The No issues guide to finals refereeing

Well if your a Dragons fans its the two weeks that you have waited all year for. Due to the unpredictability of the season there is a whole host of unfamiliar faces in this years finals series. Teams like the Tigers, Raiders and Penrith haven't been playing football this late in September for years. Whats even more shocking is that they have all survived the first round. Of all the teams in this years finals only the Tigers have a good albeit small winning record in finals. Teams like the Dragons have barely won a finals game in the last decade while other teams like the Raiders and Titans have never won a finals game.

It will be hard to know who to support in the grand final, usually I go for the team that hasn't won a final before or not for a long time. This year that could be both teams qualifying. It could be like a few years ago where two teams played in the grand final who had a lot in common, Melbourne and Brisbane. Both had never lost a grand final... and of course the other thing they share in common is that they are both salary cap cheats.

So once again it will be up to the referees to decide who gets to win. Is it just me or did anyone else notice the change in refereeing in the finals. It seems to follow a predictable pattern;

No Penalties for the first 10 minutes. At this stage of the game teams are just trying to hold onto the ball for a full set before a long kick. If both teams are adept at holding onto the ball this can prove to be a fairly dull spectacle. Luckily for us there are referees who can tip the balance of the game by awarding the....

No Tries for 15 minutes - deadline breaker penalty. This is usually awarded to the home team and is for either failing to get back on side or incorrect play the ball.

One team gets two tries in front - score balancing penalty. This is usually awarded for the team who is behind on the score board and is often given on the fourth tackle.

Balance the ledger penalty - Otherwise called the square up penalty - this is where one team has received all the penalties but is still behind. The ref needs to give some penalties to the other team to appear impartial, but they dont want these penalties to have a material affect on the game. So these penalties are given on the first or second tackle and are often given twice in the same set. These are always given when to the attacking team when they are close to the side line so they can't kick the ball very far when finding touch.

The Bills made another error in the box penalty - these are always given in the second half when the referee is compelled to deem a try with a ludicrously forward pass as acceptable to make up for another one of Bill Harrigon's, Britney Spears moments..... Öops I did it again.....

The No penalty penalty - this is anytime after the 65 minute mark if the scores are close or tied. The referees don't wont to be seen as deciding the game. (Even though of course they have probably disallowed 5 tries and manipulated the play throughout. This is where you can rip an opposing players head off, play the ball with your arse or stand five meters offside in the defence and suddenly the game might as well be reffed by Sargent Schultz... I zaw nothzing....

Still the predictability of the refereeing is what we love about the game and its all designed to give teams a 50% share of possession. So instead of players coming to the ref saying what was that for they just need to ask what type of penalty was it or whens our turn. If you don't like it and would like to see a return to the days where refs blew the whistle every time they hadn't been heard on sports ears for 5 minutes then the next All blacks test is in two weeks.

In Other News
Boxing fans in Western Australia would be pleased to hear that Danny Green has announced that his next fight will be in Perth. Usually Danny schedules his fights in Sydney, unless of course the Government refuses to allow him to fight some washed up has been (Although how Anthony Mundine is allowed to get away with it is beyond me. If you recall Danny's last fight lasted mere seconds as his opponent Paul Briggs was bought down by a devastating combination of intense stage lighting and a flury of Green's air swings. Still at least Paul Briggs and Manly's finals campaign have something in common - neither survived the first round.

Its official the Illawarra Steelers have dissapeared

Well with the retirement of Trent barrett and Luke Patton we have finally seen the end of an era. Trent and Luke are the last players to have played first grade for the Illawarra Steelers. It was a sad demise as you don't see any signs of the Steelers these days except for their socks every now and then at WIN games.

The NRL keen to cellebrate these great servants of the game and also recognise the 300 game veteran Brett Kimorley recognised the achievement by......... putting a link to a story on the website.

Still I can see why Brett retired - to start with he couldn't read the clock at the ground on Monday night. Instead of calling for the ball and having a shot at field goal he let Michael Ennis roll the ball into the in goal with less than a minute remaining. I was listening to the coverage and heard the crowd do the count down 10, 9, 8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 ... I thought either they are pointing out what happen to Bo Dereck as she got older of Kimorley has made a huge mistake in his timing. In the end it turned out to be both.


In Other News
Pakistan has been caught betting on games with player managers confessing that they fixed the unlosable Sydney test.....what a surprise not. What is a shock is the fact that bookmakers acctually take bets on anything to do with Pakistan Cricket. How obvious was it that they were throwing the Sydney test. Having the entire team sitting on the boundry for a couple of tail enders and bowling wide of teh wicket

Thanks fully this incident will be fully investigated by a retired judge. I'm sure justice will be done after having seen the transcript of the investigation into ... Captain Salman Butt (fielded the team on the fence for tail enders0 and wicket keeper Kamran Akmal (dropped four simple catches) in the Sydney Test.

Mahomed Amir (the judge) faced the players both making accusations “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both Kamran Akmal and Salman Butt squirmed uncomfortably. “You, Salman, gave me $15,000. And you, Kamran, gave me $10,000.”

Mahomed reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Butt … “Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.”

When the going gets tough the tough can sometimes need help to get going

Well it looks like the Eels have missed the bus to this years finals. Parramatta can beat any team on their day but and typically have left their run to the last minute. They always just plod around for 50 minutes before having a crack at winning with only 20 minutes left from full time. This has been happening for a few years now so who is to blame.

Jarrod

He missed the NSW team bus to the second state of origin by leaving it till the last minute. Or maybe coach Bellamy gave the driver the Ok to go as he couldn't count to 17 (it makes sense considering belamy couldn't quite count to thirteen - hey where did that queensland winger come from).

Jarrod stands back and lets the team try and win it on their own before having a crack at it himself in the last quarter. Jarrod its not going to work. To start with most of your team mates are only average players and lets face it, that's all the Eels could afford after they pay your wage.

So what can we do to fix it - well nothing this year, but next year, drum a bit of urgency into Parramatta. Tell them they start from 10 wins behind due to salaray cap breaches. How about start the Eels on a 20 point handicap each game, or rush them to the game just in time to take the field. We need some sort of Parramatta Eels emergency vehicle for such an important occasion. Its a necessity if the Eels should be able to respond to these incidents. (We have had the Hayne train and the Hayne plane so next years "Hayne multi purpose emergency vehicle" isn't so far fetched)

Why is it that only certain emergency vehicles are able to break road rules on the way to something urgent. Not all emergency vehicles can break rules. The SES for instance only carry flashing lights not sirens. What can't other vehicles with an equally urgent need also use lights and sirens, like for instance Bill Harrigon's security detail leaving games.

In life there is an endless series of seemingly urgent vehicles with flashing lights and or those double parking blood delivery vans. Why not let other equally important vans\cars turn into emergency vehicles. Like, the CBD cellars delivery van or the Mens Gallery customer courtesy bus or more importantly when your desperate to get home from the pub before the family so you can pretend you've been there all along. Who wouldn't be happy to give way there.


The Dragons are confident that they have this one in the bag once Bills 'Match payment' arrives at WIN.

Farewell Matt Rogers - thanks for Cronulla nearly winning a grand final (Again)

This next few weeks we say farewell to Matt Rogers. Matt is of course currently a utility back being able to fill in as 5/8, centre winger or fullback. Unfortunately for Matt the titans "were not able to find room under the salary cap" for his $200,000pa year. Strange really since they were offering $600,000pa for Greg Inglis last week, who is also a centre but is no where near as versatile.

Matt had a long career, born and bred in Sydney, with all his junior league for in the Shire before eventually settling into and making the under 20s grade for Cronulla. Eventually going onto play rep football for teh first time in Rugby for the NSW Warratahs. After such a long history based in Sydney, and with a family heritage firmly based in the Shire, naturally Matt was selected for Queensland 'Origin'. Pretty much the same as Greg Inglis really, so maybe the Titans thought they were bidding for Matt's love child?

Who knows, but one thing is for certain something smells about the Inglis deal. How can any club legitimately afford to pay $600,000 for a centre when the going rate is around $200,000 for a rep centre. It smells worse than the bins at the fish markets.

This is yet another case of where News Limited and the Queensland Rugby League are joining forces to ensure that their own self interests are served rather than the interests of the game. Did for instance the QLD Former origin greats (Who stumped up $30grand to keep Inglis in the game and in queensland) offer their top up cash to the Titans or the Cowboys, nope. Will there be an investigative journalist from the Terrograph sitting down to work out have the 5 grand bag system works in Brisbane - another negative.

If on the other hand you were playing with the Broncos you would be cashed up and you could be licking windows, interfering with farm animals and occasionally shitting yourself at the Casino all without a mention in the papers or on fox. Theodore Roosevelt is famous for having said "its better to be faithful than famous" of course Homer Simpson said "Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless." Which one of those famous peoples quotes did you follow I wonder Matt?

So farewell Matt - sorry you had to leave us but its your own fault for not staying loyal to your employer.

Is a shellless turtle homeless or just naked?

Well its another year and the Dragons are once again looking like the snow in Thredbo - all gone by the end of September. But could the dragons just be like the September snow ie seasonal. could this just be a coaching tactic to bring forward their usual slump so that it doesn't happen on the October long weekend.

Their defence is still rock solid but the dragons attack has faded away from four trys a game to a mere two these days.

Maybe its time for the Dragons to have a long hard look at themselves and start to swallow some painful medicine - but what sort. Personally I would recommend Viagra as I hear that it will can get you past a semi.

But if the Dragons are no longer favourites who is, Panthers, Easts and Tigers both can't string together 3 good games in a row so how will they survive the fours weeks of the finals. Parra - well we all know whats happening there, they spent all their salary cap on Jarrod but he only fires every second game. Its not all bad for the the Eels but, apparently the new board of the Eels have opened a new special phone line for their many international fans to talk about their teams successes since the league went to the 10 meter rule - and that's 9861 0101. So if you are ringing from overseas dont forget to add the international code, so thats 1986 -then one nothing, one nothing, one nothing.....

Manly well they might be alright if it doesn't rain - so far this year they have lost every match they have played in the wet - never a good sign in a la Nina year. Still they should be a reasonable chance to win but provided they can finish 8th as so far this year they only seem to be able to beat teams higher on the ladder than themselves.

Titans - they are pretty much there by default and some good field goal shooters.

The Panthers may be a chance but they better hope that its not a windy day that will affect their kicking game as all their points come from high kicks, but it will be interesting if they win the comp as matt Elliott can shout the bar, then since he is so fond of high kicks he can tell the story about the Giraffe who liked long Island ice teas the Giraffe walked into the bar and shouts hey everybody the high balls are on me.

Anyway as you can tell I have no idea where this series will end, although I can certainly see a pattern forming in some clubs. So thus I end this rave with two of the more complex questions of our generation, why can't the Dragons win Semi finals? and do they give discounts to burns victims at the crematorium. basically no one knows we will just have to wait which teams have the least injuries leading into September.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

I don't know if this has happened to anyone else but, on Sunday I was watching the Manly Vs Tigers game while doing the ironing and I was left wondering how the hell did the Tigers make it into the top eight. Each time Manly got the ball within range of the Tigers line they scored, only once did they sucessfully manage to defend their own line. Is that the defence of a top eight side - clearly not. So how is it that the Tigers and the roosters have both managed to get top four ladder spots with for and against records that barely break even (or zero in fact for the tigers).

The answer to this mystery resolved itself when I heard about the Roosters playing Brisbane. You might think that with the draw the way it has two sides where strong sides play each otehr twice during the year once at home once away then they play the weak sides once. So in theory the maximum amount of time it should take to play teams in the stronger\weaker side of the draw at their home ground is two year... Makes sense doesn't it.

But thats not the case at all - thanks to the roosters game I managed to find out that not only do the weaker teams get an advantage of not having to play the stronger sides twice that the draw is structured to allow those weaker sides to play the stronger sides at their home grounds. This week the roosters played the broncos at Brisbane, when was the last time they played there - 2005 - five years ago.

So basically its no wonder teams like the roosters and the tigers are in the eight without having outscored their oppostion, while souths struggle to make headway.

A : Lean Beef

Is everything is suddenly coming your Way? Then chances are your in the wrong lane.

While it was a good week in League the results were marred yet again by some dodgy refereeing decisions that cost at least south's one win. But of course they weren't the only ones as this week the Roosters were on the back of some very bad forward pass decisions, one which wasn't to deny them a try and one which was that allowed the Bulldogs to score.

How is it that these days there are more Ref's and assistants than every before and yet the decisions seem to get worse. Back in the old days it was one referee and two touch judges. Sure they didn't know what they were doing but no one could go back to a slow mo replay and prove that they were wrong.

These days its not enough that the refs are making bad calls they seem to be out to do everything in their power to ensure a close game where the home team is the eventual winner.

And don't think it doesn't influence the result. What about the State of Origin, the last few years has seen every questionable decision was given to Queensland on top of the fact that they had an impressive array of talented footballers (who mostly came from NSW). But in the third game of the series the refs were giving clear instructions to do everything in their power to support NSW as a series of embarrassing penalties were blown for holding onto the tackle player when the NSW player clearly had hold of their opponents jumpers.

The other games were just as bad. I'm betting Manly was shafted again but you tend not to remember those bad decisions when you play the sharks these days as you generally win by 30.

One team lucky to win despite the dodgy decisions was the Roosters. Two very bad forward pass decisions cost them 12 points and nearly the game. IN the end a series of dropped balls by the Bulldogs let the Roosters back in the game meaning that the commentators could go on and on about the "Gutsy" performance and of course the "Courageous" leadership of Braith Anaster..... oh please.

Phil Gould spoke at length on TV and in the paper how Braith Anaster had come of age as a player leading his player to victory through adversity. What ??Would this be the Braith Anaster that starting mouthing off at the decisions costing his team a penalty for dissent.

Braith the only time the world will beat path to your door is when your in the bathroom.

It was Phil of course who recommended Braith to the Roosters all those many years ago and has been waiting for him to do something every since. Phil talked about how gifted he is and how he was born under a lucky sign. 'Well if thats the case I'm betting that it was 2 hours free parking.

Gaz is back - but do we also have to take Sonny Bill

Well the Terrograph says it all on page 1. "Stop the boats" we don't want the undesirables entering the country, and underneath is a photo of Mark Gaznier. This pretty much sums up my mood about the rugby casts offs as well. Basically since the big money of international rugby dried up when the TV ratings did we have been forced to repatriate Rugby refugees are looking to return in the prospect of an vastly increased salary cap.

Forget the refugee's escaping from a war zone what about the English super league migrants escaping Euorzone tax havens. After a year of sunning himself on French Riviera the Gaz is back trying to impress the selectors, but with match stats of no line breaks, seven tackles and one missed tackle he has a long way to go to force his way into a starting spot in Dragons first grade - although a bench spot for NSW origin this year is not out of the question.

With the return of many league players from union the average height and weight of the wallabies backline has fallen from 191cm when Lotte and where's wendle where in there to 187cm today.

Why do we have to take them back, why can't we just keep developing and exporting talent, its our second biggest export after coal. If you abandon ship that's it pal your gone for good.

Even teams in a ultimate competitive advantage are still happy to pick casts offs. Remember these quotes;

"The team and I endorse the action of the QRL in dropping Israle for the good of the game" Darren Lockyer Sunday 2.30pm before the selected the Queensland team for game 2

"Welcome back mate" Darren, Tuesday 8am.

All the chickens are coming home to roost, flying in from their tax havens trying to escape the nuclear winter that is the inevitable collapse of the Eurozone curency. Hopefully it wont get to the stage where we not only get the expats back but we start getting all the European players escaping to play in NSW. We dont want to get to the situation that they are in with the Engish premier League Soccer, where only a third of players in the league are acctually English and they are generally the bottom third of players. So when it comes to the world cup they get thrashed.

No for the good of the game we need to stick to the system home grown talent and lets start by putting any player returning from overseas on Christmas island.

There is no Future in Time Travel.

For those of you waiting to hear who is in the origin team, well as you all remember that traditionally game 3 in origin is where the selectors give up on their stupid theory and pick the best team we have. Great news - they have done at least one of those things - they have given up.

New South Wales selectors have gone for the approach "If you can't convince them confuse them". Yet again they are doing what Corduroy Pillows do - they make headlines. To show how they are planning for the future they made a player in his last 10 games of NRL captain and then selected virtually an entirely new team for game three. In game two, NSW wingers positional play meant most of them were closer to the bar than their opponents. So we have decided to teach them a lesson for their consistently bad reads in defence....................... by dropping all the forwards.

Into game three come Jason King, Snowden, Gallen and Greg Bird, Watmough. Would you believe that Greg Bird has the record of having played only 4 games but been man of the match twice in those games - well great news he has been selected for game three - that will stuff his average, he should have made a controversial withdrawal - Timana style.

In Other News
Its been a very depressing few weeks in sport - its not just the Origin, its the soccer, the rugby and the cricket. It seems that everywhere we go the news is depressing especially if you have a pommy mate within easy reach of his email. The one glimmer of hope came today when Jana Rawlinson announced that there was to much pressure on her to win in Australia and to much media scrutiny, so she was going to represent England in the next Olympics - Huzzah.

May I say Jana that it wasn't me putting pressure on you to win. I always thought you were a loser and still do. And just because the Poms have won their first one dayer against us in ten years does not make them a nation of sporting achievers.

Jana did of course say that the crushing weight of media scrutiny was to much in Australia - which of course is why she chose to issue a press release to say she was leaving instead of fading into the background like we had all hoped.

That's not to say that Jana leaves the sporting stage empty handed after winning a world title presumably held in North Korea or somewhere similar and of course she narrowly beat Tamsin Lewis in for the title of most committed drama queen in the 2008 Australian Olympic team.

So its pack your bags Jana - but if you can convince lay down Sally to go with you we will waive the invoice for your time at the institute of sport.

Boycott Shampoo - Demand Real Poo!

As predicted in Origin - another humiliating loss - plus an unexpected and entertaining fight.

In origin our injuries forced us to pick a few second string losers while Queenland were bolstered by Cameron Smith. Predictably enough we were not just beaten but thrashed. But to be honest I don't know exactly what happened as it was so depressing early that after the first two tries that I turned it off. I had basically seen what I needed to see, ie Paul gallen give away three penalties that lead to two tries, and the inexplicable defence of the wingers. Exactly how many tries did the Queensland team score where the winger scored unopposed. ( I don't actually know the answer to this as I was watching the soccer as soon as it came on.)

Was it that the NSW wingers were star struck by Bowraville Boy, Greg Inglis so everyone wanted to tackle him, or was this a deliberately coached technique of compressed defence?

How is it that we can NSW can allow Queensland to have the first second and third choice of all the quality players. How exactly does this origin concept work - I thought it was where you were born in which case, Sam Thiday, Greg Inglis, Israle Falou, Willie Tonga would all be playing for NSW while Neville Costigan would be playing for Papua New Guinea.

Is it where you first developed into a graded player in which case Jonathan Thurston and the entire Queensland team would be playing for NSW. Now after hearing what Andrew John has been busted for I have finally realised why the best players go north. Its Joey and his no black .... policy.

Back in the old days of origin when Queensland struggled to field a competitive team, the ARL used to undertake a super league style system of selections where origin can and did mean you played for which ever state was weakest. This talent reallocation included any league player from overseas not having previously played for NSW eg Adrian Lam and Matt Rogers.

Now its our turn lets annex New Zealand as a developing nation (lets face it thats not to far from the truth) and lets get rid of our coach and assistant coach. Í heard Timana say that the NSW players are self motivated - I have heard that before. Its work speak for management wont answer questions. As far the assistant coach goes, well Joey Johns is so dense that light bends around him.

Still despite the weak performance this third game is our best chance in years to actually in a game. Not through brilliant coaching or returning players but because Queensland just wont care and will spend the night on the turps just like last time. That was where all their players tried to hallucinate new winning techniques by drink red bull and sudafed. While they lost I wouldn't say it was a complete failure as Johonthan Thurston had that industrial strength hangover breath that could knock a buzzard of a shit truck at 100 yards and does that come in handy when having a quite word with refs these days. They don't care what he says just as long as he goes away.

Origin II - same mistakes different players

Well here we go with another State of Origin and Queensland have yet again picked a strong side involving a lot of NSW born and bred players and a number of people who should be suspended. What is it with origin if you are likely to be selected you can't be suspended. Clearly Hayne and Slater knew this thats why they spent the game throwing punches, head butts, grapple tackles and biting each other.

Of course not only did Queensland select their full quota of Ref abusers and geographically challenged backs they also quickly went back on their word by picking Israle Falou. Queensland failed to live up to their hype in the most embarassing backdown of all time since Julie Bishop had to confess that Australia forges passports as well...Ah no I'm not suppose to talk about that.

New South Wales on the other hand well what can I say. Same mistakes different players. Jimal was dropped after one game, supposedly for his bad read in defence but I suspect it was because of his uncanny resembelance to the cast of fraggle rock (look carefully at these two shots and see if you can pick 5 differences.)


New South wales is still playing halfback roulette with Mitchell Pearce back into the team, mainly to cover for the fact that Trent Barrett can't kick.

The one constant with all these losses is of course Craig Bellamy. Sure Queensland has a good team (although not for much longer) but we should have won more purely by chance over the last 4 years. Let NSW hire Des Hasler at least his forwards would be worried enough about being injurred by a flying door that they might put in one decent half.

Craig is suppose to be a good coach as he has a well "drilled" team. They control everything from when they sleep to what they eat. And Remember you are what you eat. If thats true (its probably not as the staff at the storm probably do that) then he has been feeding the NSW backs chicken livers. Acctually we had better hope that its not true that you are what you eat, if it is then Ben would be a takeaway ie "Fast, Cheap and Easy"

But back to coaches, And for the benefit of Ricky Stewart who is being touted as next years Origin coach - no we wont be picking Paul Gallen for every game - yes he is a reliable defender and has an offload but he gives away two penalties a game.

Anyway I live in hope but I know what the result will be.

In Other News
The NSW state budget was released with the news that we are back in surprise surplus. The original budget deficit came as something of a surprise as it was originally caused by a young graduate working hard into the night when he failed to carry the one when adding up the revenue column.

This year the problem was solved by a disillusioned 20 year veteran public servant whose solar power calculator ran out of charge halfway through adding up the City Metro Bills.

So what the point well it probably means that there is now more money available for the government to spend on making a third ground for the western Sydney AFL franchise. Why is that good news because it means more maintenance which means it will go broke faster so we can use it for league sooner.

Take the money and run

News out today is that the Greater western Sydney Franchise has signed up Israle Falou for $1.1 Million a year. Please god why. Here at work we all contribute $10 a week towards a loto, syndicate so we can try and win $1m quit work and play and watch sport for the rest of our lives.

How exactly does this work, the Greater Western Sydney team are expecting to recoup this from what exactly. Their own figures say that they are only expecting a maximum of 17,000 people per game even at the relatively cheap entry price of $10 a ticket. The Western Sydney team is only contracted to play 6 games at their new State Government bought blacktown venue, so based on my calculations Israle's salary will exceed the revenue of ticket sales.

And all this for a guy who has never played the game before. I think its about time that the AFL talent scouts had a look for some other players.........like me. I would be perfect, if they want profile and controversy I can fill the blog site with stories on touchy subjects like gay players.

Like Israle I can't kick and have never played the game before.

Like Israle I would prefer to watch repeats of old Japanese cooking shows to live AFL, and of course

Like Israle I was born and bred in Sydney and have only ever been to Queensland on Holidays (Thus making me eligible for the QLD state of Origin team).

Still all in all its a great idea for this geographically confused Mormon man to take the money and run.The faster he does the faster the franchise can go broke, and we can all have a good laugh in the mean time at the struggling Melbourne AFL clubs arching up about the inconsistency of their salary cap.

The only question is - will we see the return of Brett Tate to the Queensland side or are the Queensland selectors staking out the transit lounge of Brisbane airport in a bid to find their next 'Home grown' backline sensation.

Who knows but as Homer would say "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers"

A Tribute to the Fallen

Well the news from Rugby league this week is State of origin and the resignation of Ricky Stewart from the Sharks. It wasn't a surprise really four years at the Sharks and only a handful of trys to show for it. Still despite be barely able to average 12 points a game he will end up with a better record than Craig Bellamy.

The Sharks Board has been trying to get rid of Ricky for the best part of a year but they don't want to sack him and be forced to pay out his contract. It was decisions like that, that lead them into the big debt problem that they are currently in. Of course the other stupid decision was renovating the foyer of the Sharks leagues clubs and the installation of some expensive and totally unnecessary furniture (a trophy cabinet).

The good news for Ricky is that he is still being paid and has plenty of time to line up another job confident in the knowledge that no matter how badly his team performs they won't win the wooden spoon.

In Other News
David Campbell has been forced to resign when Peter Meakin of Channel 7 decided to fictitiously claim he had abused his use of his government car. (Peter if you recall has multiple convictions for high range DUI, is famous for having been sacked after 3 months as the media advisor to Morris Immea and claiming a two year settlement on the way out. While that was going on he managed to get a Minister pregnant and ruined her career by insisting that she get her driver to drive him home pissed. So in other words doing exactly what he falsely accused David of doing and then some.)

If I was David I would have gone for the case of mistaken identity excuse, I was shopping for an anniversary present and went to the wrong end of the street.
It turns out that Ken's of Kensington (KKK) is only down the road from Peters of Kensington, so you can get a rub and a tug and a lovely set of plates all within walking distance.

Unfortunately for David, the Premier practices Moscrimination so was also keen to punt him.......then feigned outrage at the invasion of privacy (of course if she wanted to keep him she could have simply refused to accept his resignation).

So in a tribute to the fallen we say goodbye to these fallen hero's. One was politically astute and rose to the most senior levels of his position and one managed to coach his way into scoring three times a week.

State of origin selections stuff up - here we go go again

Top news of the week is the state of origin selections for NSW, and as in previous years we are trying yet another theory. If you can remember last year when we said we were going for youth and we were going to stick with them through the series. So we picked Peter Wallace at halfback, Terry Campese 5/8 and Robbie Farrah at hooker. By game 3 it was Brett Kimorley, Trent Barrett and Michael Ennis.

Well this years official theory is that we want size out wide to combat Hodges, Inglis and Folau. So we picked an untried rookie in Jimal Idris who is suppose to stop the queensland centres from the NSW bench. How is he suppose to stop them, through sustained sledging? (Actually that might work if someone we gave Jimal speech training so string together a sentence - and put Rodney Rude on the NSW staff to write put downs.)

Now stop me if I'm wrong but wasn't it Idris who failed to stop Matt Cooper on Friday night not once but twice as he ambled casually onto score for the Dragons - lucky Idris will start and hopefully finish on the bench.

This has the look of last years campaign to it where we threw a bunch of youngsters to the wolves and then promptly sacked them after only one average performance. (If only Australian cricket used the same policy, Michael Clarke would be out of the 20 / 20 team and we would could have unleased David Warner on the poms, instead of having Clarke run out the entire top order just to get off strike.)

So what is the answer to the revolving door of NSW selection - the Melbourne Rebels.

Here let me explain - most of Queenslands top players come from the Melbourne Storm. The Storm have made big dollar 3 year contracts to their players which they are obliged to meet or better - then they back ended the contracts. What that means is that they have yet to pay most of the money they promised the big name players.

So their options are to do what Canterbury did - which is to not sign any big name players for 3 - 4 years. They eventually only managed to get their head above water when their only big name signing (sonny Bill) left the club.

The Storms problem however is that their salary cap for next year is entirely committed to 6 marquee players once you take into account contract back ending. So to field a team next year they will have to get some other team to promise to take most of their stars at their current salary, and that's where the Melbourne rebels come in with the trusty old News Limited cheque book.

This is already starting to happen with Folau the first to go announcing that he is going to Rugby Union on Monday 12 July of thereabouts. By the end of the year we can add Billy Slater and Greg Inglis and possibly Cooper Cronk.

Its either that or they can go to AFL, who are offering a million dollars a year to NRL players who have never even played the game before. (This gives you a bit of an indication of exactly how easy the game must be if you can pick it up and make the first grade team after only 3 months of pre season training.)

Now if we can only get rid of Thurston and Prince we could be in with a chance next year.

ln other news
The media is fawning over Jessica Watson on mass after she managed to do what every 16 year old can only dream about - ie spending 200 days with nothing else to do but spend every waking moment on face book. Why this was news is anyones guess really, perhaps it was because she did it without running into anything - something that looked long odds back when she started.

The 200 days of boredom did come in handy though as the first thing she did when she got of the boat was have to listen to a speech by Kevin Rudd.




Damm boat people - still coming in at the rate of a boat a day. Still this one would have actually managed an around the world record if she didn't go so far out of her way to avoid Christmas island

Rugby League needs another contest for the ball - but are scrums the answer?

I have recently been trawling through some old Rugby League footage and watching it reminded me of something that we use to have but dont any more - Scrums. Back in those days you kick it out or knock on and it was a scrum - and the scrum was a contest for the ball. I was thinking - thats what we need some other options where the team without the ball has a chance of winning it back. It might also inspire teams to put some different kinds of football players back on the field rather than your stock standard 6 foot 4, 105kg athlete.

Back when league first separated from Union it decided to abolish the line out and instead stick to scrums as they were at the time an even contest but Imagine now if Rugby League bought back the line out, then we would see the re-emergence of tall lighter players, ie football players with necks.

Then it occurred to me what would happen if we did bring back the scrum. Back in the 70s teams didn't mind if you lost the ball as you always had a chance of getting it back with a scrum. So Scrums were a lose gathering of players where anything goes and scrum penalties were a lottery judged solely by the ref . Now a days the sport is professional with much more money, players and clubs would demand that the scrums are fair and the rules clearly defined. So in other words you couldn't just get the ref to feed the scrum, while it would make it an even contest it would still be very hard to judge who collapsed the scrum or made some other infringement.

This of course means your left with something like a rugby scrum, where there is a defined start and finish. But bear in mind that these take about a minute to sort out each time (this includes the obligatory 50 seconds for the team to talk tactics while a front rower lies on the ground feigning injury), and the result nine times out of ten favours the team feeding the scrum. So in other words for the 10 or so scrums we would get a game we would have the same result as we have now but the ball would be circulating around 1/8th time less than it is now.

We have been lulled into a false sense of security that the game is even and interesting by the salary cap (with one notable exception). Just because each team has a chance of winning doesn't mean we shouldn't make changes to make it more interesting. At present the teams that win do so by dominating possession. This leads to forms of play that are less risky - ie constant dummy half running or passing one of the ruck to a running forward.

If a team does score they get the ball back from the kick off. Or if they trap a team in goal they get the ball back - if a team dominates possession they win. Over the last few weeks that's exactly what has happened to the tigers. The refs of course try to even this up through equaliser penalties (just watch how many times those 50/50 calls go to a side that has just conceded a couple of trys).

The game has changed in the professional era so that coaches support low risk high percentage plays. As a result some of the more interesting parts of the game have all but disappeared - what for instance happen to the chip and chase. Coaches don't encourage it any more because if you don't regather the ball you have given it away in good field position to the opposition. We need another contest for the ball to add more variety to the game and give teams who are on the back foot the chance to win the ball back.

Scrums aren't the answer but what is? AFL has the ball up and Rugby Union has the line out. Why not combine the two - have the hooker throw the ball backwards over his head to a group of 5 forwards kneeling in a pyramid shape with the lock standing on top ready to dive for the ball wherever it goes.

Or how about run under a limbo bar to collect the ball, this would encourage short people to participate in the game meaning each team would have to carry at least one Ommpa Lumpa in the defensive line or two in Canterburys case as you would have to count Brett Kimorley.

Is this a test match or a testamonial

The Anzac Day test - moves another week further away from Anzac day and another week closer to state of origin. The ARL and NZRL are always hard pressed to pick a team around this time of year. Do you pick a team based on the form of only seven weeks or do you go for the players that have done the job for you before.

Well fortunately this year selectors were able to base their team selections on an entirely new formula - The highest paid players. This is great news for the storm who will field four Australian players plus two New Zealanders. Not so great news for Scott Prince whose free house fell through when the builder went broke thus making Melbourne's Cooper Cronk the highest paid halfback. Of course this honour usually goes to Johnothan Thurston but unfortunately for him he was injured tripping over a bag of money someone had left outside the cowboys change room.

These days with the picking of virtually all the rep teams in the same week virtually all established first graders not carrying injuries can be assured of getting a start somewhere. Its not quite that bad but its fairly close ie there are 4 representative teams playing this weekend and their are only 8 teams in the NRL so roughly one in every two NRL players will be playing rep football this weekend.

The means that the different selectors spend two hours before their team selections ringing around and talking to each other - what about so and so? Is he a Pom? No, Is he injured? No, Do you want him? No, Then can we have him?

This is pretty much the formula that saw Jammie Lyon back in the Australian team, the ARL selectors hate Scott prince, Jammie didn't want to play for Country Origin and Australia needed a decent goal kicker. Its also the case with the City- Country Sides - Todd Carney has been selected being described by Country coach Laurie Daley as a tremendus rugby league talent. He own club coach Brian Smith says "his forms a bit patchy , he's just spent 12 months out of the NRL and for the last 8 weeks he has been playing full back." Mmm this is a classic dilema - Two men says they are Jesus - at least one of them must be wrong.

That's not to say the Kiwi side is any better in fact its worse. Most of their good players are in Europe and wont be released by their clubs. That leaves them to pick players with 5 games of first grade or players who are carrying an injurry - like Steve Mati whose back goes out more than I do.

Why do we have to have a mid year test - is it our only opportunity to beat the Kiwi's. Why can't we go back to the Days of City country matches at week 10 of the playing roster State of origin two weeks later and the test matches two weeks after the grand final. The only reason is because we have to fund Geoff Carr and Colin Loves retirement, but for the sake of the game can't we just give them a job on a government committee ( I suggest the parole board as they would be with friends and would be able to talk with Brian Waldron) so we can get on with the game.

Super 14 Rugby to introduce salary cap - Melbourne Rebels firm as favourites for 2011

Well another Anzac day has past where we remember the fallen (including the ones run over during the march.) Anzac Day is for us to remember the Warriors of the past. And its a good thing that we remember the Warriors of the past like the Anzacs as the Warriors of the present have done bugger all since Stacey Jones retired. The local press of course say that the Auckland will never perform while ever they spend under the salary cap.

Brian Waldron has of course subsequently proved what sort of team you can get for the salary cap plus another $700K. Basically it means that a marque player is paid around 400 - 500 K a year while an average first grader is on 200 - 300K a year. So you can basically get an extra 3 to 4 established first graders or upgrade with another 3 marque players. They took option B which has proved mighty successful.

Since then of course the storm have said that every club cheats the cap, But there is a big difference between going over by 10K due to a big injury toll and prolonged, systematic and deliberate cheating, which strangely enough also describes their playing style.

The news that the Melbourne Storm has given former CEO John Ribot his dying wish*, with his final statement at the what in the hell do I have to do to get the club on the Front page. To which the new CEO Brian Waldron replied - Leave it with me.

I find it hard to believe that the players and their managers didn't know. What exactly did they think was happening when they signed their respective contracts twice. The NRL was happily complicit by not looking to hard, after all they would have to get their boss to pay the fine, which of course goes back to the NRL who they own so they will get the money back. How did the NRL think that the Storm could afford to buy Brett Finch halfway through the year when every other club with half of Melbourne's roster said they were already over.

The details provided by to the NRL auditor are largely based on Statutory declarations of earnings, Did the players not notice that the amount they signed for was well over what they put in their tax returns. Brian says he has done nothing wrong - well Brian signing one or say 25 false statutory declarations is an offence - just ask Marcus Enfield.

Still at least now we know why the storm needed so much money to stay afloat when the new independent commission comes in.

The news came as a shock to most Melbournians not least of which was because they finally found out that they had a NRL team. But things don't look good for the club. It has a captive audience of expat New Zealanders and Islanders who would just as happily follow union if they could. When the Melbourne rugby team the rebels come into the comp this will effectively half their ratings thus halve their pay tv earning potential which is the only thing keeping them in the comp.

Until the Rebels come into the comp the Storm are desperately trying to reinvent themselves. Cameron Smith is trying to endear himself to the public by doing as many publicity visits as possible including the one where he went to see Carl Williams the day before he died. Carl I have seen you on TV but you look a lot fatter - geeze mate an exercise bike wouldn't kill ya.

The club is even thinking of ditching the whole storm logo and mascot and going for an animal based logo unique to Australia. I don't know about you but I think its a winner.


Also here is a nice photo of the storm boys where the photographer was having some fun and said "Show us how many premierships you''ve won, everyone understood except for the stodgy prop in the front row who thought they saidhow many grand did you find in your locker this morning"


* John Ribot is not acctually dead - I just wish he was.

Beware The Real Enforcers

Its been a while now and I think I am beginning to miss it. What am I talking about but the drunken rugby 'incident' in rugby league where has it gone. Sure you could argue that isolated incidents have contributed to this lack of head lines, eg Todd Carney is banned from entire towns, clubs have learnt their lessons from past season launches - and or in Cronulla's case no player indiscretions get reported as they simply don't have any players that anyone would recognise.

I think it could be because players are going to pubs where they are friends, and friends don't let friends get caught for such things. At the Tigers there is no chance of any complaints from club owners since Benny 'the door' Ellias bought the club. At the Roosters, John Ibrahim went to the Roosters launch talking about how he has respect for only certain players. How exactly does he get to call the shots about respectable players coming into his clubs. The last time Jarrod Hayne and the Eels boys went to an Ibrahim club they were shot at when they were leaving.

So how is it exactly that he and club owners are now the respectable ones.

Is it just me or does this sound a bit rich, particularly if you believe the underbelly version. Has anyone else been watching this latest season of Under belly. I have been an avid fan in the past but this time around I have been struggling to maintain interest and its not just a result of the lack of SBS style highlights.

The thing that bugs me is what a complete crock the story is. I haven't seen such a complete work of fiction since Ben's last flex sheet, seemingly written entirely by members of the ibrahim family.

John Ibrahim is showing what a hard working local business man he is by going to the rooster season launch and saying how he only respects certain players - and only they would be allowed in his clubs.

In the channel 9 version a hard working honest bouncer works his way up through the ranks to part own his first night club a year after leaving school. In this the channel 9 version it assumes that he saved every pay cheque working as a bouncer and as a bouncer he was paid around $4m a year. Honest John is mentored through the process by hard working honest George Freeman and Lennie Macpherson.

In the police version, George Freeman and Joe Ibrahim never met, Lennie Macpherson was a hitman never seen in public and had long since retired.

I think I preferred the previous versions of underbelly when they base the story on dead people so they couldn't get sued. This one seems to miss some important facts, like the whole thing is about bikie gangs and how they make their money. Sam and Mick Ibrahim were the guys in charge of the Parramatta nomads bikie gang - a gang that Sam joined then became president of.. the same day he joined, no nothing suspicious there officer. We know what bikie gangs are famous for cooking up but you need somewhere to sell it which is where the nightclub comes in. And of course you can't be the licensee of a pub if you have criminal record which is where 17 year old clean skin comes in.

Still I think I can understand why Channel 9 is missing the bikie element to the story, David Gyngell travels by air a lot and he knows that there is a bollard with his name on it if he gets to close to the mark.

Of course the government is attempting to put a lid on things by bringing in some very specific legislation to ban criminal types with middle eastern backgrounds doing shonky deals, Unfortunately this hasn't worked as both Joe Tripoid and Eddie Obeid are both still around.

Still I suppose if we wait for the story to actually end it will be decades old. Much like the first series of underbelly, started a decade ago and still going today. Mind you my theory is that the school accountant had Carl done in, "where are the term one fees, haven't got them then cop that fat boy."

Have you seen what schools charge. Thats the new underbelly - school principals going around knee capping parents for school fees. They are versitile to, they dont charge protection money - they have no refundable registration deposits.
Forget Mick Gatto driving over Melbourne collecting protection money, just imagine the 'Montesori crew' standing over parents range rovers with a baseball bat demanding contributions to the "School Building Fund".

Lord Have Mercy - please no more AFL Adds

Is it just me but has anyone else got the feeling that the NRL no longer exists? I was watching one program on channel 7 then another on channel 10 after that had finished (Thats free to air TV for any rugby followers). Every 10 minutes there was an AFL\Swans add - in every set of adds there was that stupid versions of swans players in shiny white shorts kicking their way to the 2004 finals series. The add is nauseating enough to make you switch channels immediately features all the famous swans players - ie the ones that have retired - kicking away back in the days when the team had some talent.

How is it that the AFL can invest millions of dollars in advertising this drivel. In a corresponding period of 2 hours later at night I watched as channel 9 played wexactly no adds promoting any game or the NRL. IN fact I have only seen one NRL add this year - which took me at least a minute to work out, that it was an acctual add about NRL.

How much money have the AFL got to spend pointlessly flogging the swans. When will this torture end. Probably not until they realise how much money is being soaked up by their new Blacktown Franchise. Thats not to say that I am not totally behind this dead loss, If it does nothing else it will at least be creating some employment out there. But as we all look forward to its eventual founding and subsequent collapse, we can only laugh off the fact that they attracted an AFL team.

Those in the know like myself know what happened to the disastrous bid from the Blacktown council to host the 2008 Olympics. Some of their plans were ingenious from the lighting of the flame (Flaming coke bottle tossed from a moving car), the 100 meter hurdles "athletes" get a 4 second start from the local constables and are required to hurdle various obstacles such as cars, fences etc. The sprint to be held at the local greyhound track is simply a case of outrunning the police dog - last man standing wins the gold.

There would be no shooting events due to the obvious advantages of the overskilled locals. There would however be an olympic first in the boxing - with only husband and wife teams competing

The athletes village would be the many empty schools in the area. In the end they could all be treated to a grand closing ceremony with the "fireworks display" being provided local students practicing their arson skills.

I give the whole thing 5 years and 20 million and hopefully less adds.

The three things I know about advertising;
1) Advertising transforms a yawn into a yearn (except in the AFL where they acknowledge that this is still happening in NSW)
2) Advertising tells us what unnecessary luxuries we can't do without. (AFL)
3) One picture may be worth ten thousand words, but some advertisers believe in using both in the same ad (More AFL)

If you think no one cares.......try missing a few repayments

The news in Rugby League circles this week comes out of Melbourne where the Storm has been busted 'securing' a payment for $45,000 for Cameron Smith. The money in question was a third party sponsorship that Melbourne guaranteed to pay Cameron Smith in the event that the 3rd party sponsor went broke. You might say who cares he was entitled to the money, but remember why Mark Gasnier left the game - he walked out on the game for a higher offer as his third party contract wasn't honoured by a sponsor.

Lets face it something dodgy must be going on down at Melbourne that they can afford to keep some so many Australian rep players on the books year after year. Most clubs sign up a batch of juniors to long term low value contracts in the hope that they develop into quality first graders. If they become a regular first grade player then the club is forced to shell out big bucks when their initial contract expires, meaning they have to make a choice in which of their players will go on to become rep players.

Canberra can be relied on to make the wrong choice, on the other hand the Sharks can be relied upon to fall for the old salesman's trick from players manager "you better make your mind up quickly as I have lots of other buyers lined up". This is why they have a line up of lemons that the other clubs don't want.

Hopefully the local population in the shire are as a gullible as the sharks board. They will need to be to keep the football club afloat. They are about to launch a significant redevelopment of the reclaimed tip\swap prime residential and industrial land next to the sharks ground and they are going to need some buyers who haven't heard about rising sea levels and love mosquitoes.

Speaking of players that other clubs don't want I was listening to last Monday's sharks game. After 20 minutes I was thinking what ever happened to Trent Barrett . It turned out that he is still playing and had been on the field the whole time.

Anyway back to those cheats the storm, why is it that they are now asking for $6 million a year to keep the club afloat when the News Limited exits the game. Why do we have to pay for them and why $6 million - that the annual budget of the tigers, sea eagles and dragons combined. How come the Sea Eagles Football club is a old demountable classroom while the storm is a large loss making modern office building.

Lets just get rid of the storm and bring back the bears. Who would care - certainly not the people of Melbourne. Even if they did win their 3rd grand final in 5 years it would still only rate a mention on page 35 of the Melbourne papers. Sporting capital of Australia my arse - Sport to them is AFL, they can only feign interest in other sports. Let them have AFL to themselves, we can put the storm on the central coast and they can have the swans back.

Speaking of less popular poorly supported sports in Melbourne - they have just completed the latest loss making instalment of the Australian Grand Prix. (its made a loss ever since they allowed people other than AFL stars in the celebrity race). IN this years race the funniest moment of all had to be when Lewis Hamilton was charged and his Mercedes impounded when he did a burn out coming out of the Albert park track.

This won't happen when the race is staged in Sydney, as our track runs past Parramatta road where Lewis could compete with the locals to his hearts delight, free from having to worry about how he was going to explain the impounded car come Monday down at the Thrifty rental desk.

In fact this could be part of the pre race entertainment - instead of having to shell out for expensive loss making preliminary races staged solely to occupy time until the twilight race start, this could form part of the entertainment. Watch as Lewis Hamilton and Mark Webber take on Youseff and Akmal starting from the lights at the Auburn Mega mall. The winner gets to start the race next day for the red bull team while the loser has to front the cops and explain in 20 seconds or less why they think that banning street racing is typical of the Nanny state.

League adds value for spec-savers sponsorship

Two weeks into the year and it seems that the big unexpected performer for this year is Newcastle. The Knights are performing well despite having half their pre season team on remand or living in fear that have been capture placing an order on the phone taps. Now I don't want to be the bearer of bad news to many Novocastrians (after all the location is punishment enough) but the NRL has signed onto the World Anti Doping Authority charter in order to get Federal Government funding.

The WADA rules say that if more than 3 members of one team are found guilty of a drugs charge then that team is banned from the competition and their medals are stripped, the result is wiped. The Knights have clocked up 2 team members and it's only a matter of time before a third gets charged. Could the NRL soon be scheduling in a mysterious bye each week - highly unlike. The same thing happened in 1998 when half the team tested positive to Roids and did you know to this day those drugs cheats still haven't given that trophy back.

The victim of this gross injustice was of course the Sea Eagles. It seems that every league fan hates them and is more than happy to see them lose by means fair or foul. And its still happening today. League fans for all the other teams should be rejoicing as the Big Manly props decimate opposition teams leaving them to be a crumbling mess the following week. But what do the Eagles get as a reward, some of the worst referring decisions made this decade.

How is it that three refs and two touch judges couldn't see a 'line ball pass that floated a meter forward from Daniel Mortimer. But that wasn't the ultimate injustice. Having been encouraged by scoring one try of a forward pass Daniel decided to go all out and throw a gridiron style pass that cut out the Manly winger and centre not by going over their heads but by chucking the thing about 5 meters behind them. Still I have seen that sort of thing before and no doubt has just about everyone else, particularly those who watched the 1995 grand final.

Anyway, speaking of confessed drugs cheats two of the biggest offenders from that era now both have a firm place on different TV channels.

The footy show has started the year well mostly thanks to Darryl Broman. Despite only being on the show for 5 minutes a week he at least spends most of his week trying to think of something funny to say. Unlike say Andrew Johns, who spends all week resting so he can come up with "they need to complete their sets of six" yes thanks scoop.

Ahh Andrew, football skills none surpassed but an intellect rivalled by garden tools. I can see Andrew now in the commentary box counting up to 6 on his fingers, god knows how he subtracts, does he gets his fingers amputated?

On the other channels Matty Johns show may also struggle if the adds are anything to go by. Hopefully the rest of the show is better than that. Still it might get good ratings as apparently all Matt's mates like to watch.


Daniel Mortimer "Man of the Match" with two touch down passes

Look out League and Rugby - here comes Lara

With all the recent publicity on Lara Bingle and Michael Clarke there is nothing left for me to do but jump on the bandwagon. I know that there isn't much more I can say that the Sunday papers didn't already, but, I am prepared to give it a go.

Why is it that half the Sunday papers are dedicated to the 'break-up'- when it was already in every other paper for a week before that. Why aren't the Sunday papers dedicating some time to investigative journalism on topics like, what exactly did happen to her 'stolen' Astin Martin.

Lara whose only claims to fame are having once appeared in an unsuccessful TV add and being the founder of the Shire Bogan look, is now single. So she will no doubt be on the prowl for her next sports star. Its unlikely that she will settle for your average plumber even the ones that are suddenly wealthy after having found $200,000 engagement rings in the pipes. (I always wondered why all plumbers were rich.)

For those in the know this had been on the cards for a while. For me the picture that told a thousand words was this gem - taken when they were probably out shopping.
The photo taken before they separated tells the story and its one all men with partners know its the "What the hell is it now" look - particularly common in shopping centres, family gatherings (Mans family only) and for the entire 15 minutes immediately before kick off during the State of Origin.

Michael can now settle down and try his luck on the tour of New Zealand or apply to cricket Australia for the media friendly girlfriend. Better yet he could lower the bar and get his mum to look for a girlfriend around Liverpool. That way he would get someone with lower expectations and someone his mum likes at the same time, which is more than Mitchell Johnson can say.

Anyway Back to Lara, given that she is off limits to the AFL and Cricket - this leaves players from the NRL and Super 14 Squads as potential targets for this dexterous social climber.

We can only speculate that given she lives in Bondi that she will target a local. That of course leaves, South's, The Roosters and the Waratahs players.

Of course now that they have split both will have to get their respective tattoos changed. Lara who has 'Wish you Were Here' probably wont have to worry as that could be used for the next partner, or as an impromptu memory tester once Alzheimer's sets in.
Michael might have a few more problems though as he has the initials LB tattooed on his arm. This of course puts the pressure on to find another partner with the initials LB and or give up and say it stands for Leg Bye his favourite scoring shot or make it LBW his most common for of dismissal (not like say Dave Warner who is generally out caught on the fence - attempting to move the score along - that's a hint Michael).

A few suggestions for a potential partner with the initials LB might be

Laura Braningan (Singer from the flash dance era)
Lauren Bacall (Actor from the 60s)
or perhaps Luke Burt from Parramatta.

I don't think Michael's that way inclined but you can never be sure, he does after all have his own range of underwear which is a bit of a bad sign. Still not as bad as having your own range of costume jewellery, if you do that it's time to give up and throw open the closest doors.

Find the old Am radio as here we go for 2010

Well when you start to see in the headlines that the Bunnies have managed to hold onto the charity shield

and

"NRL has stars in lock down" lest they get shitfaced at the season launch party and force them to abandon the season opening TV promo.

This can only mean that either the Rugby League season is about to commence, either that or Souths have already peaked for the year - or maybe both. And thank god for that finally something to watch on Tv after a very boring summer.

The Cricket season has fizzled out to nothing with the West Indies slipping out of the country mere hours after being thrashed by Australia in the final twenty20. And what a crap summer of cricket it was. Thankyou very much Pakistan and the Windies for wrecking summer.

First up it was the west indies who bowling attack was so placid that Shane Watson topped the batting averages. This was enough name him player of the year - whats going on. Against a decent opposition Shane's personal physiotherapist would get more time on the field than him.

Being Cricketer of the year entitles you to a lot benefits, not least of all is the cricket Australia issued regulation cricketer of the years 'girlfriend'. These are of course guaranteed to offend your mum and are dressed exclusively by the Pamela Anderson fashion range. Lucky for them thats not combined with the Britney Spears range of underwear and the Lara Bingle moral compass.

Back to cricket though - although I am struggling to remember the season already as the mind tends to block out trauma. As soon as the Windies were out of the country they were followed up by Pakistan. Well done for the first team to tour Australia to make more money per player in on line betting wins than match payments. This isn't always easy when your even money to lose each match, you would have to... oh I don't know.... send all your players to field on the fence enabling opposition tail enders a decent crack at a test 50.

This however explains why each match against them took so long as it can take a while for the whole team to run on and off between balls to lodge those "Highest test score for Peter Siddle" bets.

Also some cricket is happening in New Zealand although we are not exactly sure what that is since its all over by the tim eyou can get to a pub to watch it.

The only interesting thing was Dave Warners batting 40 runs off 10 balls. Eventually out for 67 off 29 balls, fifteen of which were bowled so far away and were so slow that most commentators suspected Trevor Chapple was the bowling coach.