With all the recent publicity on Lara Bingle and Michael Clarke there is nothing left for me to do but jump on the bandwagon. I know that there isn't much more I can say that the Sunday papers didn't already, but, I am prepared to give it a go.
Why is it that half the Sunday papers are dedicated to the 'break-up'- when it was already in every other paper for a week before that. Why aren't the Sunday papers dedicating some time to investigative journalism on topics like, what exactly did happen to her 'stolen' Astin Martin.
Lara whose only claims to fame are having once appeared in an unsuccessful TV add and being the founder of the Shire Bogan look, is now single. So she will no doubt be on the prowl for her next sports star. Its unlikely that she will settle for your average plumber even the ones that are suddenly wealthy after having found $200,000 engagement rings in the pipes. (I always wondered why all plumbers were rich.)
For those in the know this had been on the cards for a while. For me the picture that told a thousand words was this gem - taken when they were probably out shopping.
The photo taken before they separated tells the story and its one all men with partners know its the "What the hell is it now" look - particularly common in shopping centres, family gatherings (Mans family only) and for the entire 15 minutes immediately before kick off during the State of Origin.
Michael can now settle down and try his luck on the tour of New Zealand or apply to cricket Australia for the media friendly girlfriend. Better yet he could lower the bar and get his mum to look for a girlfriend around Liverpool. That way he would get someone with lower expectations and someone his mum likes at the same time, which is more than Mitchell Johnson can say.
Anyway Back to Lara, given that she is off limits to the AFL and Cricket - this leaves players from the NRL and Super 14 Squads as potential targets for this dexterous social climber.
We can only speculate that given she lives in Bondi that she will target a local. That of course leaves, South's, The Roosters and the Waratahs players.
Of course now that they have split both will have to get their respective tattoos changed. Lara who has 'Wish you Were Here' probably wont have to worry as that could be used for the next partner, or as an impromptu memory tester once Alzheimer's sets in.
Michael might have a few more problems though as he has the initials LB tattooed on his arm. This of course puts the pressure on to find another partner with the initials LB and or give up and say it stands for Leg Bye his favourite scoring shot or make it LBW his most common for of dismissal (not like say Dave Warner who is generally out caught on the fence - attempting to move the score along - that's a hint Michael).
A few suggestions for a potential partner with the initials LB might be
Laura Braningan (Singer from the flash dance era)
Lauren Bacall (Actor from the 60s)
or perhaps Luke Burt from Parramatta.
I don't think Michael's that way inclined but you can never be sure, he does after all have his own range of underwear which is a bit of a bad sign. Still not as bad as having your own range of costume jewellery, if you do that it's time to give up and throw open the closest doors.
