I wanna know who is responsible

Well seven weeks into the league season and it seems that the first six positions in the top 8 have already been decided. Clearly the Dragons and the Storm are the teams to beat this year, with the other top 8 certainties being Brisbane, Bulldogs and Manly. So why is it that this year that the top 8 is so cut and dried so far out.

Well its the scheduling.

Last year (and in fact the 100 or so years before that) the stronger teams played each other twice while the weaker teams only played them once. This year for some absolutely unfathomable reason the teams that have won grand finals in the last decade (which are co-incidentally this years likely top 8 as well) only play each other once. The Dragons and the Storm for instance play once all year and that is about a week out from the finals by which time their respective final places will have been decided so both teams will probably rest all their first grade squads.

What idiot scheduled that? How hard can it possibly be to schedule the 8 teams to play each other once in the first 7 weeks of the comp, then schedule them to play the dud teams during the eight weeks of State of Origin.

Instead this year we have a series of match ups where some dud teams have already managed to play each other twice. Its often said if you put 1000 monkeys in a room with 1000 typewriters one of them will eventually type the complete works of Shakespeare, despite having no understanding of what they are actually doing. Well clearly the NRL have commissioned one of these monkey's to produce the 2011 draw.

How hard can it be to schedule a couple of landmark games like; heritage games, local derbies and grudge matched. Come test time give the storm and the warriors a bye for the ANZAC day test, and then program the other top eight teams for a bye or two during the origin series. Instead of that the NRL has given bye to all the teams not likely to supply rep players to the ANZAC day test.

Its not just the piss poor range of match ups, its the fact that they don't publish them more than a few weeks out from the actual games. If your trying to work out when you can take a young child to one of the few remaining afternoon games being played in Sydney you have no chance of planning around it as the NRL only put out the schedule a few weeks prior to the round.

In Other News
Every channel on TV is falling over itself to pander to the royal family. In typical channel 9 fashion you can expect them to pull the plug on the league on their main free to air channel 20 minutes in to the game while continuing to run repeats of Murder She Wrote on their high definition channel. Why when League is the highest rating program on TV is it not allocated total priority by the channel 9 programers. And why do the NRL not insist on the winner bidder putting the coverage on live HD in every state like the AFL do (Even if it is out rated in NSW by Graingers World on Community Access TV).

Its time for the government to take back channel 9's high def channel as they have abused the privilege. Instead of showing all sport in its entirety they cut out the final and most exciting last 5 overs of the cricket to run a current affair. Whats so important about dodgy builders and fictitious arthritis remedies made from Paw Paw that they have to miss the first 5 overs of one day finals. And even if they have managed to scoop the current affairs slot by naming every dole bludger in Penrith why can't they swap the first five overs on their high definition channel. Can't someone just walk over to the GEM control pannel and press pause on the tape of Antiques Roadshow repeats.

But I'm not bitter about Channel 9 or their likely royal wedding coverage despite the bloody royals denying me of 3 hours of comedy gold (they forced ABC to cancel their royal wedding chaser special) - in fact I am calling on all league fans to help me contribute toward a gift for the married couple. I know that with 800 guests they must have just about everything they will ever need from the Harrods bridal registry, but I am suggesting something more unique that will show how we really appreciate them. So I am putting together a Parisian style motor pass complete with replica steel columns to be constructed between now and Friday night so they can use it on the way to the cathedral. I'm even prepared to go up to the fence on the parade route and wear my Osama Beard, Pakistani one day shirt and fitness first backpack in case they feel compelled to go slow at any stage. Bon Voyage Will and Kate

Its the Chinese Year of the Rabbit, but will it be the Australian year of the Dragon?

Is this the year of the Dragons? While loyal dragons fans are hoping for another year of domination under Wayne Bennett they have a fat chance of premiership really. In fact under the NRL's premiership rotation policy they will just scrape into the top eight. Their defence will continue to be solid under Wayne Bennett but you can be assured that the referees will be more vigilant when looking at Dragon's play the balls this year.

In fact the NRL is usually more than happy to step in to influence a result - just like last Friday when the ref ran into the defensive line to impede the Titans defenders. Unfortunately for the Dragons this generosity isn't likely to extend into the finals.

Still no matter how generous the NRL is for teams with no recent premiership none of this will help Souths. Another pre season of significant promise, and another injury prone late capitulation start to the season proper. Souths have lashed out and bought Greg Inglis to supposedly give them more point scoring ability. Why is a bit of mystery considering they scored points than any other team in 2010 - it was their defence that lost them the games.

Time to lash out on a coach with some defensive credibility - what's Ricky Stewart up to these days.

In Other News
Ricky Ponting's transformation from talented young piss head to Allan Border clone is nearly complete. 15 years ago Ricky was just a young kid from Tasmania, scoring lots of runs and strays from the burbon and beefsteak. Now after 5 years of fronting the media and attempting to explain what the hell the selectors were thinking, Ricky has finally lost the plot.

Ricky is actively trying to be a Allan Border clone. Unfortunately for Ricky when Allan Border was Captain grumpy he was still grafting out 50 runs each innings despite the team collapsing around him. (With the possible exception of David Boon who generally tried to score his runs as fast as possible so he didn't have to bat with Allan.) Allan was grumpy as he had to score all the runs, manage the team and control Craig McDermonts ego. Ricky on the other hand has plenty of time in the dressing rooms thanks to his world cup average of under 10.

Ricky - since your not scoring any runs, have no active say in field placements and your in incapable of showing any originality in nominating bowling changes - you might as well go back to being team Grog Monster. Give up the captaincy and the Valvoline adds and go back to what you do best drinking like a fish, picking up the odd burbon and beefsteak beast and sledging the poms.

Of course that brings in the rather scary prospect of who you would replace Ricky with. Michael Clarke - he's lucky to be in the team. Brad Haddin - possible but its likely that he might actually say what he thinks about the selectors so that's not going to happen.

Its at this point the head slumps in your hands as you realise the only reliable member of the Australian team who is aged under 30 is Shane Watson. Can you imagine the product endorsements if he was Captain. No longer would the Australian team be sponsored by a brewery, every male grooming product in production would be queuing to sign on. Instead of the Sheffield shield it would be the Niva for men Q10 revitalising bath gel and body lotion State Cup. When that happens - I'll be the first one saying "Please god take me now, I've lost the will to live"