Welcome to Planet Mal – There no intelligent life down here Captain

Well its finally happened – fitting all of Australia’s GST sucking, uninformed rednecks into one state was always going to be a challenge. So we have finally had to create ‘Planet Mal’ a sort of sheltered workshop for Queensland state of origin coaches and failed political aspirants (Of course Mal qualifies for entry for all three reasons). Imagine hundreds of rednecks - all in the one place gathering around whats left of their houses and all describing the sound the cyclone made as it took the caravan and grandma out to sea. Other than origin games their favourite form of entertainment is sitting on the veranda with a six pack watching the bug zapper.

Where did this come from and why do we finally need our own planet to house these losers. Well after a generation of Queensland having every conceivable advantage conceded to them by NSW in order to make the State of Origin concept a viable entity (including the current series) Queensland coach Mal Meninga has declared the NSW attempts to promote the game and get a competitive game as the “Rats and Filth” of NSW getting what they deserve.

Mal … What the f..k are you talking about?

1) NSW requested that at least one of these games be played interstate to promote the Game – Queensland refused to give up its competitive advantage of a home game. Queensland have a long history of doing things to only benefit Queensland rather than the game. It is in fact the QLD rugby league that wont sign off on the rugby league commission as they are clinging to their lucrative QRL positions like leeches.

2) In game one and three – Queensland were given the referees of choice who duelly refed the game to suit Queensland with slow play the balls and no penalties to advantage the old and larger Queensland pack. For at least a decade NSW allowed Queensland to pick the blatantly biased Barry Gomosell despite him never having never ref ed a first grade match. When NSW ask for the game to be reffed in a way consistent with a weekly NRL standard – they are filth attempting to manipulate the game.

3) NSW has always allowed Queensland to register international and interstate players as Queenslanders in order to make the game competitive. Around half the current Queensland team were born in NSW or in places other than Queensland. (Get a map Inglis and you will find that Kempsey is and always has been in NSW). Will Queensland return the favour – absolutely not despite most of the Queensland and NZ teams having played junior rep football for NSW.

4) Mal has accused NSW of trying to manipulate the referees in the press before the game. Mal are you serious – don’t you read your own comments in the press – are you blind, don’t you seen what Thurston does as soon as he takes to the field. He goes to the ref and starts abusing him.

5) It’s a conspiracy says Mal – as soon as a Queensland player gets sited by the judiciary – Mal are you blind didn’t you see him push the ref – an absolutely no no in the modern game. A crime which he was “exonerated” from due to pressure on the judiciary. Thurston is no clean skin – have you not seen the fact that he has a long record and takes advantage of the Judiciary’s reluctance to site origin players before the series by committing a serious offence virtually on que for the two weeks leading up to the first game every year.

6) Sure we all had a good laugh when we read that Mitchell Pearce was “the best halfback in the game” And yes we all skimmed the article to the end to try and find out which member of the Pearce family wrote it. Turned out that this was Ricky Stewart simply promoting the game by supplying a controversial quote that we could all have a good laugh about. (It was pretty obvious that any club team with the best half back in the game would be averaging more than on try a game so Mal it was obviously just a gee up designed for you to talk up Lockyer and Thurston.)

Promoting the game Mal means supplying these quotes before the games not bad mouthing the concept after the series has been played.

Still Mal’s not all bad – when he is not coaching he walks his kids to school every day – still that’s not a big effort as they are in the same grade together. In fact Mal’s kids are destined by be State maths champions due to their extra fingers. Mal I think I can beginning to see why your political career last less than an hour, Big concepts like indexed taxation and global warming are beyond your ability, better of in Queensland where you and Bob Katter can say that the cyclone was a one off freak of nature so you will need some government money to replant the Bananas in the same spot.

In Other News
Banana’s, fruit and groceries prices are at an all time high due to the summer floods. So good old Woollies has chosen this moment to freeze fresh food prices for the next 2 years. Thanks boys, that should kill off what’s left of the local farmers, I’m really looking forward to those homebrand apples from Long Dong Provence.